Diagnoses and Cures

I'm reading a novel and got to a place that has stopped me cold.  I'm not going to name the novel or the author because I really don't think it's that great and don't want to recommend it, but an exchange between a couple of characters is yet another example of a trend I've been noticing the last six months or so and if I don't write about it, I won't be able to finish the book.  It's an okay right-before-I-turn-the-lights-out-to-go-to-sleep read, in other words, I'm not finding it completely unpleasant, but I also don't care enough about the characters that I simply must read another chapter.

One character says to another:

'You have to make allowance.  […]  She's got eight kids and a husband who spends even more time in the Mucky Duck [the local pub] than Seamus Galvin.  What we need is some decent kind of contraception … like this pill thingy.'

Those of you who know me know that I have a basic problem with the very idea of contraception, but that's not what I'm going to focus on {shocker!}.

Read it again.  This poor mom's problem is diagnosed pretty well.  Her husband isn't acting like either a husband or a father.  But look at the logical hiccup when we come to the proposed cure - more contraception and fewer kids.  Maybe this mom and her children would be better served if the local community took a two by four to her husband's head and insisted that he man-up and care for his family instead of running away from his responsibilities.  Would she really be better off with two kids and a husband who abdicated his role as husband and father?  And which kids shouldn't she have had?

I saw the same thing in Atlas Shrugged.  Ayn Rand identified certain societal problems with laser-like accuracy, but her solutions were empty and unworkable, as substantial as a cobweb.  I see the same thing going on in Washington, Phoenix, and our local city council chambers.

We must think clearly about both problems and solutions.  If we don't consider deeply and follow a problem all the way to the root, our efforts to help will merely make the situation worse.

SDG!

Vocational Reading: General & Marriage

I originally set up a list of 'vocational' books that have had an influence on me through the last 20 years, but the list ended up being absolutely huge.  I decided that it might be better if I divided the list out by topic. Some of these may be considered 'controversial', and you may not agree with everything written on every page, but that's okay. They've all had a rôle in shaping me. I hope to add to these lists as time goes by.

Womanhood in general:

Recovering Biblical Manhood and Womanhood, by John Piper and Wayne Grudem

Discipline: The Glad Surrender, by Elisabeth Elliot
Feminine Appeal, by Carolyn Mahaney
Lies Women Believe and the Truth That Sets Them Free, by Nancy Leigh DeMoss
The Way Home: Beyond Feminism and Back to Reality, by Mary Pride
Missing From Action, by Weldon Hardenbrook (primarily for and about men, but his discussion of the industrial revolution's effects on the family and the subsequent rebellion of feminists against something that was much different than biblical womanhood is spot on and eye-opening.)

Marriage:

When Sinners Say 'I Do', by Dave Harvey
Love That Lasts, by Gary and Betsy Ricucci
On Marriage and Family Life, by Saint John Chrysostom (haven't read this yet, but it's sitting in my Amazon cart and the author comes highly recommended ;-D)

NB: if you decide to purchase any of these books, please put it in your Amazon cart directly from the link given. If you go to another page and come back to the item, it will no longer have my associate's code linked to your purchase. I've been an Amazon associate for a couple of years (meaning I receive a small percentage of every purchase of items I've linked to) and have yet to receive anything.

Coming up next: lists about Motherhood, Home Education, and Housewifery

SDG!

The Mother and Her Reading, II

Most of CJ's focus was on spiritual growth, developing an affection for the Saviour; as we read, so we think and as we think, so we feel.  In order to develop passion for the gospel, we must be reading books about it, books that will help us look at it freshly and to see new aspects of it.  We must strive never to grow familiar with the gospel.

So the first category of our reading must be books that care for our souls. Scripture is a no-brainer, but also we should be reading books that challenge us spiritually to examine our hearts, books that remind us freshly of the gospel, books that help us get a firm grasp on solid theology. Not all at once, but they should be part of the plan.

This applies to every believer. Yet it applies to moms at home because it affects our children as well as ourselves.  In a very real sense, we are pastoring and discipling our children as we raise them. Their souls must be a focus of our efforts. However, we cannot give them something we don't have. If Mom isn't experiencing a deepening faith and relationship with Christ, she can't pass that onto her kidlings, nor will she be quick to walk in dependence on the Lord. (Yes, Dad is the head of the family and ultimately responsible before the Lord for child-rearing efforts, but most moms spend more time with their children than dads do; we must be working along with our husbands, following their leadership, submitting to their goals; but often the time, effort, and day-to-dayness of raising children falls on our shoulders, not as a burden, but as a privilege.)

CJ also, rightly placed a specific emphasis on books about our specific callings. For those of us whose calling is to keep house and raise our children, this would include books about being a godly wife, a joyful mother, a skillful teacher. 

Books to help and encourage us in our home making activities: cooking, gardening, household organization, home crafts (sewing, knitting, crocheting, tatting, things that make a home and a life beautiful), the theology and philosophy of keeping house (there are many voices telling us that we are wasting our lives by devoting it to drudgery - we must remind ourselves of the truth of the high calling to which we aspire so that we don't grow weary in well-doing), leadership, bargain hunting, hospitality, cleaning tips, caring for the sick and elderly. The list goes on and on.

Homeschooling moms would also benefit from reading books about educational philosophy and practice as well as literature, history, biographies, logic, science, even some math books. Part of this is to equip us to help our children learn, but this type of reading also keeps our minds sharp. We may not remember everything we read, but we'll be much better able to point our children to books that will benefit them and we'll be able to discuss them together.   It is also an excellent example to our children of the joy of a lifetime of learning.

My intent isn't to overwhelm anyone by these lists of possible topics for us to read about.  I point them out so that we can be intentional in our reading choices.  I certainly don't read all these types of books at one time.  I have certain areas in which I lack skill or motivation and  I need to be reading books about those topics (my current focus in school is books about writing and teaching writing).  There are also certain areas of particular gifting or topics that appeal more to me than others; those are books I want to read.  These lists are more suggestions to get you thinking about your reading.  It's better to start anywhere and read one at a time than to feel so overwhelmed that one never starts.  I hope these lists lend themselves to a lifetime of reading.

Teddy Roosevelt said that those who read will be those who lead.  We live in a post-literate society.  It's not that people don't know how to read (although they may not have been taught how do it well), but that they don't see the importance of reading; they choose not to read.  We may feel that we're at home, not out leading in our culture, however, cultural change happens the way yeast works in bread.   'A little leaven leavens the whole lump,' is how Christ described the church.  Chesterton said that there is nothing more powerful than an average man and his average wife and their average children living their average lives to the glory of God.  Reading can help us do so, and do so well.

Next time, I'll list specific books that I've found helpful and that I think are worth reading and re-reading.

SDG!

Marley and Me

Drew and I went to the theater Friday evening, the first time in several weeks as getting ready for Christmas and a bad cold on my part kept us away.

There were quite a few films that looked interesting, but the timing worked out for Marley and Me, based on John Grogan's book by the same name.

Of all the ones we were thinking about, this one had the least to attract me. I've never been a big fan of either of the leads and I don't particularly like dogs. (Before I get hate emails, I'll state in my defense that I'm very allergic and therefore I'm not around animals much at all. And, I'm sure because of the allergies, I'm a magnet whenever I am in the presence of an animal; that's made me a bit stand-offish. Okay, onto the film.)

When the movie started, I wasn't really impressed with either 'John' or 'Jenny'. She was the head of the family and he passively followed. He wasn't willing to talk to her about important issues, for example, having a baby. Instead, he bought her a dog (our eponymous hero) to quiet her biological clock for a few years because he wasn't ready for fatherhood. However, as the story spun itself out, they both grew up. By the end, I was cheering for them. This is a true love story, the story of a marriage, the good and the ugly. No glossing over the difficult parts, but no sentimental nonsense, either.

There were some interesting metaphors, but nothing that an intelligent viewer wouldn't catch. I won't say more, because I don't want to spoil it, but I do recommend it and would like to see it again in theaters (unusual for me).

SDG!

Demographic Winter

Chilling.  Sobering.  Not surprising.

Opportunity for Christians.

God is sovereign.

I'm ordering this DVD today.

SDG.

Re-Thinking Marriage

I've been contemplating the purpose of marriage lately. I've also been leading the Pride & Prejudice discussion in our Gileskirk co-op and we just watched The Taming of the Shrew.

Our modern world (newpapers, celebrity magazines, self-help books, films, television shows - both fiction and nonfiction) tells us that the purpose of marriage is to live happily ever after. Marriage should be about each spouse's satisfaction, fulfillment, and contentment. A good marriage itself is thought to confer these things. The underlying assumption here is that either the efforts of my husband are what make me happy or his lack of effort makes me unhappy. And if he's not making me happy, then the marriage isn't fulfilling its purpose, and therefore is somehow invalid or disposable. However, Jane Austen and Shakespeare shared a different view.

At the beginning of Pride and Prejudice, both Darcy and Elizabeth have some growing up to do. Even though Darcy is smitten by Eliza's 'fine eyes', after Elizabeth's initial interest in Darcy is quashed by his arrogance, she never really expresses a strong physical attraction for him, but is eventually attracted by his character and the growth she sees there. I read once that, without Darcy, Elizabeth would have ended up just like her father, distant and disdainful; without Elizabeth, Darcy would have ended up just like Lady Catherine de Bourgh, proud and unyielding. In other words, Elizabeth and Darcy are right for one another because they influence each other to be better people.

If we compare Elizabeth and Darcy's relationship with the relationships of the other married couples in the book, we see how important this is to Jane Austen. Mr. Bennet doesn't even try to make Mrs. Bennet a better person, but lets her go on in her foolish ways. He doesn't seem to want to influence anyone for the better, but is content to sit back and merely laugh at the folly of others, including that of his wife and younger daughters. Charlotte and Mr. Collins also have no gentling effect on each another, content merely to exist in the same house, spending as much time apart as possible. Lydia and Wickham not only don't try to affect change in one another, but actually reinforce each other's folly and sin. The author's attitude toward all these couples is clear - they are not examples to be followed.

In The Taming of the Shrew, Petruchio doesn't love Katharina when he seeks permission from Baptista to marry her. He really wants her inheritance. He wants a wife, and because she's rich and he has no competition, she'll do. Katharina starts out hard, selfish, violent, lazy, ungrateful, unloving - in other words, a shrew. However, he, even with his less-than-romantic motives, is the right husband for her because he teaches her gentleness, duty, responsibility, gratitude, grace, and love.

Looking at the other couples (because foils can tell us so much about authorial intent), even though Lucentio and Bianca are head over heals in love, she has all the makings of a shrew as she rebels against her husband in the final scene; she may be gentle and beautiful on the outside, but it seems her heart doesn't follow suit. And Hortensio and the Widow, whom I suspect Shakespeare married to one another merely to give us another cautionary example as their courtship happens off-stage and out of sight, are in no better position than Lucentio and Bianca. Lucentio and Hortensio are losers in the wager of marriage because they have no influence over their wives.

Both Jane Austen and Shakespeare understood that the purpose of marriage is not our happiness, but our holiness

If the purpose of marriage isn't happiness, but holiness, unhappiness doesn't invalidate a marriage, or justify walking out when the going gets tough or boring and mundane. A husband isn't responsible for his wife's happiness. Rather, we are each responsible to influence our individual husbands toward godliness (not as a form of manipulation in an effort to make our lives easier, but out of love and even self-sacrifice, doing what is best for another) also eagerly expecting our husbands to influence us in the same direction.

Now, I'm not saying that marriage should be primarily a chore and a trial that we merely survive. However, we must realize that happiness in marriage is a result of focusing on the true purpose of marriage. As we strive to be more Christlike, iron sharpening iron, we will experience more joy. (This is just one more example of ethereal ideas having tangible consequences.)

Among all these couples in both works, whom do you think will end up being the happiest? My money is on Darcy and Elizabeth, and Petruchio and Katharina. And if they lived today, I bet they'd celebrate at least 50 years of marriage one day because they'd get through the tough times, even in a culture of easy divorce.

SDG!